chances
by ji9
Summary: What was going through Lexies head as she took Jacksons hand?


I took Jackson's hand. I just took it, I though that I was over Mark I thought that I could live without him after everything he put me through, but I can't.

He said that I was his family that he loved me, but when I think back did he really. When Sloan was here he said that she and her baby were another shot at a family, a chance to get back what he thought he lost. A family, but wasn't that what he told me I was to him? Wasn't I the one he said he loved more than anything?

A few days after she arrived I noticed a change in Mark he took time off did less procedures spent more time at home trying to get to know Sloan. But the truth was she only wanted a place to live and some money to use. I could see this but Mark couldn't.

When he was home at the same time I was, which was rare, he didn't pay attention to me all he cared about was making Sloan comfortable. But what about me? What about ME being comfortable, what about wanting to get to know ME, what about comforting and wanting ME.

Then he tells me that Sloan is going to live with us permanently for a while. He TELLS me this like I'm just going to be ok with this. He barely talks to me he doesn't ask for my opinion on anything he just changes our lives like I was just going to follow him and let him change my life.

That split second when he told me that Sloan was moving in like I was not there like I had no choice in the matter like I didn't live in that apartment either. Like this apartment wasn't my home too.

This moment was what told me he had really changed. This moment told me how much he really cared about me and how much more I was invested in this relationship. So I told him I couldn't do it anymore. When he told me that that she needs us in the back of my mind I was thinking what about me, I need you too. But I knew that I couldn't tell him that. If he needed me then he wouldn't have chosen Sloan over me.

Then after the baby was born Sloan left and Mark realized what I was talking about. He just didn't want to listen.

But once she left he went back to his old ways but it was different he slept with women but he wanted relationships with them. But then there was the shooting and that's when Alex was shot, I knew he wanted Izzie so when he was delusional I pretended to be her and I told him I loved him. Alex and me had this relationship we were there for each other he tried to be my Mark while I tried to be his Izzie. So I didn't care at the time whether Mark heard me say I love you to Alex because he left me.

While we were trying to stabilize Alex we needed to get him some blood so I told Mark that I would get the blood. I was on my way back to the room where Alex and Mark were when Gary Clark stopped me. (The gunman) he pointed the gun to my head and told me he was only here to kill three people, Derek, the chief, and me. After he told me this I heard a shot go off and I ducked down. But it was actually the SWAT team. They had shot him in the arm. I was alive and the moment I thought I was dead the person I thought of was Mark, and that scarred me because I wanted to be over him and when I had a gun pointed at my head it was him I thought of.

After Gary Clark was dead and we had somewhat gotten over the shooting. I started to have PTSD caused by no sleep. But the reason I couldn't sleep was because when ever I closed my eyes all I saw was Clark pointing his gun at my head so I stayed up and didn't sleep. But no sleep caused me to have a mental breakdown in which mark had to take me to the physic. Ward. When I was in the Looney ward. Alex didn't visit me but then again I was put into a medically induced coma so I kind of didn't care even thought I was there for him and he wasn't there for me. But I was ok with it. After awhile Alex and I decided we were better as friends.

A couple months later Arizona got a Grant to go to Africa she was going to take Callie but she said that Callie should stay so Arizona got on the plane and left while Callie stayed in Seattle. That night Callie went to Marks place and they had sex. They both were single and hurt and lonely so they had sex. But the thing they forgot was a Condom so two months later Callie was pregnant.

But during that time I forgave Mark he was the only I ever Loved and would ever Love. He told me he was sorry and that he should have listen to me and should have thought about me and my feelings but he was so caught up with being a father. So I forgave him but he didn't know Callie was pregnant. We were together for two months before Callie told him she was pregnant with his baby.

He had known for about a week before he told me about the baby. He told me and then acts like I should just be ok with it. But when I thought about it he just put me into the same situation as before. The same situation where he forgot about me and my opinions. But this was different he was going to be with this child for the next 18 years. What would happen to me? What if I got pregnant? When I thought about the future I wanted him to be there. What would happen if their baby had a dance recital or karate meet on the same night as our kid? Where would he choose to be? Or what if both the kids were sick which kid would he be there for. When I thought about it that way I thought to myself " I cant put myself through this again" so I yelled at him a little bit then I grabbed my jacket and keys and left and went to Meredith's.


End file.
